An old man approaches the window of a cinema with
a chicken on his shoulder, and asks for 2 tickets. The girl at the
counter wants to know who is going in with him. He replies, "Well,
my pet
chicken, of course!" "I'm sorry," The girl tells him. "We
can't
allow animals in the cinema." The man goes around the corner
and stuffs
the chicken into his trousers. He returns to the window,
buys his
ticket and goes in. Inside the cinema, the chicken starts
to get hot and
begins to squirm, so the man unzips his trousers so
the chicken can stick
it's head out and watch the film. Seated
next to him is a woman. She
looks over at his lap and is horrified.
She elbows her friend Agnes and
whispers, "Agnes, this man over here
has just unzipped his trousers!"
Agnes whispers back, "Oh, don't
worry about it...you've seen one,
you've seen them all." Madge
says, "I KNOW...but this one's eating my
POPCORN!!"
Two Marines were sitting around talking one day. The first Marine asked the second Marine, "If they were to drop a bomb right now, what would be the first thing you would do?" The second Marine said, "I would screw the first thing that moved. What would you do?" The first Marine replied, "I would stand very still for half an hour."
The officer shouted orders to a nearby soldier. With considerable bravery, the GI ran directly onto the field of battle, in the line of fire, to retrieve a dispatch case from a dead soldier. In a hail of bullets, he dove back to safety. "Private," the officer said, "I'm recommending you for a medal. You risked your life to save the locations of our secret warehouses." "Warehouses?" the private shouted. "I thought you said whorehouses!"
What's the speed limit of sex? 68; at 69 you have to turn around.
What's the ultimate rejection? When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep.
Why is air a lot like sex? Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
What did the egg say to the boiling water? "How can you expect me to get hard so fast? I just got laid a minute ago."
Why did Frosty the Snowman pull down his pants? He heard the snow blower coming.
What is it when a man talks dirty to a woman? Sexual harassment.
What is it when a woman talks dirty to a man? $3.99 a minute.
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Two Marines were sitting around talking one day. The first Marine asked the second Marine, "If they were to drop a bomb right now, what would be the first thing you would do?" The second Marine said, "I would screw the first thing that moved. What would you do?" The first Marine replied, "I would stand very still for half an hour."
The officer shouted orders to a nearby soldier. With considerable bravery, the GI ran directly onto the field of battle, in the line of fire, to retrieve a dispatch case from a dead soldier. In a hail of bullets, he dove back to safety. "Private," the officer said, "I'm recommending you for a medal. You risked your life to save the locations of our secret warehouses." "Warehouses?" the private shouted. "I thought you said whorehouses!"
What's the speed limit of sex? 68; at 69 you have to turn around.
What's the ultimate rejection? When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep.
Why is air a lot like sex? Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
What did the egg say to the boiling water? "How can you expect me to get hard so fast? I just got laid a minute ago."
Why did Frosty the Snowman pull down his pants? He heard the snow blower coming.
What is it when a man talks dirty to a woman? Sexual harassment.
What is it when a woman talks dirty to a man? $3.99 a minute.
1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |